Elmo Unmasked: A True Tragedy
How the hero of our youth has fallen
I think at this point in time, we’re all used to finding out that our favorite childhood idols aren’t who we thought they were. Plenty of these childhood icons had their fair share of run-ins with the law, including Shia LaBeouf, Mitchel Musso, Macualay Culkin, Paul Reubens (better known as Pee-Wee Herman), and Barney the Dinosaur with his sordid past.
We’re all probably used to hearing these stories by now, but the most recent shock of all came from a childhood hero that seemed untouchable. A recent photo leak revealed everyone’s favorite red, fluffy, three-and-a-half-year-old Muppet engaged in an act of sadism that has the world scratching their heads wondering, “What went wrong?”
*VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED*
It seems that Elmo likes more than just his goldfish and his crayons.
While this photo is hard to look at, it really emphasizes the fact that no one is to be trusted. Ever. No matter how well you think you know someone, they may turn out to be an animal-devouring psychopath, and it’s best to keep everyone at arm’s length. There isn’t one person who could’ve predicted this future for our Elmo, and Mister Noodle1 would be rolling in his grave if he could see this photo and what his little red friend has become.
Now, a plea to Elmo: Please—stop this madness. You’re still our favorite furry Muppet and your legacy will live on till death parts us. It hurts us to see you acting out in this way, and it reveals a dark trauma that is buried behind those wide, unfathomable eyes. We’re here for you. We want to get you the help you need. La la la, la la la, it’s always Elmo’s World in our hearts.
I hope you see this, my friend. It’s not too late.
The second-born Noodle brother, right behind Mr. Noodle